Chetan's web scribblings! » Fun

Where eagles dare – Find a phone number!

Chetan — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 13:55:37 +0000

I was in Gurgaon, and I wanted some pizza to fill empty spaces in my body. Not my fault, my body was craving for it!

But good things do not come easy, they say. Guess what, I did not have Gurgaon Domino’s number or at least I believed so. My first massiah was Domino’s toll free number stored in my mobile phone.

Alas, that won’t work from my mobile. So, next nearest massiah was Guest House’s manager. I called him and asked how I can make local call from my reasonably good room. I cannot, he said, but he can call and transfer. Well, would work for me. And then he got busy with internet problem he was facing. It seems that he had bigger problems than mine, and forgot. So, onus came back to me.

Your brain can give crazy ideas somehow. Mine asked me to check newspaper. I immediately went to gather all news paper for that day recieved by Guest House. And to my horror/delight, I found that there are five with so many pages. Believe me that I went through all. And of course, my stars were not in good condition. Domino’s had not given any ad.

Not everytime powerful devices can do good to you. I searched my mobile phone for “pizza” and voila, there were not one number, but two of them. I realized how chaotic my contacts list was. One was of Raffle’s pizza in Delhi, and another was of Domino’s but from Bangalore. For people new to India, Gurgaon is part of Haryana state which shares border with Delhi. So, I dropped idea of
Domino’s and called up Raffle’s. Pizzas are pizzas, no matter where they come from, as far as they are tasty pizzas! But you know it by now. My stars are not in good condition.Raffle’s does neither deliver to Gurgaon nor have branch in Gurgaon. Sad!

So, I have to make call to Bangalore Domino’s to get number of Domino’s Gurgaon. So, I did. If you think, I would have succeded now, you cannot be more wrong. Story starts now!

I called number0. I was said that I should call number1 for help.
I called number1. I was said that I should call number2 which is regional Domino’s office.
I called number2. I was said that they cannot help me, but he gave me number3 for Domino’s office of Noida which also shares border with Delhi.
I called number3. I was said that I should call number4 which is regional office.
I called number4. I was said that I should tell my address as there are many Domin’s in Gurgaon. I told him postal address of Guest House. He could not figure out where I was. So, he chose random Gurgaon number and asked me to call on number5.
I called number5. I explained him address. He gave me number6.
I called number6. Nobody picked it! I missed, I think, few heart beats. Note that these all was while I was on roaming.
And then there was light. I incremented last digit of number6 and called number7.
Somebody took my order! Oooh la la!

Don’t you dare think I am bluffing! Here are numbers:
011-41708111,080-25322333,080-41314984,080-41530660,
0120-2516820,0120-2512050,0124-2312636,0124-2563236,0124-2563237

Life is not bed of roses!

Question: Is man supposed to be vegetarian?

Chetan — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 19:25:09 +0000

Answer:
Mahatma Gandhi said “An examination of the structure of the human body leads to the conclusion that man is intended by nature to live on a vegetable diet. There is closest affinity between the organs of the human body and those of the fruit – eating animals. The monkey, for instance is so similar to man in shape and structure and it is a fruit – eating animal, its teeth and stomach are just like the teeth and stomach of man, while those of carnivorous animals, as for instance, the lion and tiger, are entirely different.”

Let us compare man with meat eaters and herbivores. Decide answer of above question for yourself!

Meat Eater	Herbivore	Man
Has claws	No claws	No claws
No skin pores	Has skin pores	Has skin pores
Perspire through tongue	Perspire through skin pores	Perspire through skin pores
Sharp front teeth for tearing	No sharp front teeth	No sharp front teeth
No flat molar teeth for grinding	Has flat rear molars	Has flat rear molars
Intestinal tract 3 times body length	Intestinal tract 10-12 times body length	Intestinal tract 12 times body length
Strong stomach acid to digest meat	Stomach acid 20 times less strong than meat eaters	Stomach acid 20 times less strong than meat eaters

A saying and a fact:
The stamina of a camel, the strength of an elephant, the beauty of a horse are all sustained on a vegetarian diet.

Egyptian sales techniques!

Chetan — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 11:27:00 +0000

Egyptians are smart salesmen:
Here are techniques used by them.
Please note that dialogs are just summaries. Real dialogs are quite long and time consuming.

“2 Pounds”
He lures you by offering to sell items 2 EGP each.
You, greedy, stop and select an item.
You decide to buy and take item in your hand.
You get amazed that only that selected item is 35 EGP, rest is still 2 EGP!

“Currency Conversion”
He lures you by offering to sell item at 2 Pounds.
You, greedy, stop as you think that item is worth 5 EGP.
You decide to buy and take item in your hand.
You get amazed that selected item is 2 British Pounds!

“Negotiating”
You stop and want to buy two pieces of same item. You estimate that both pieces are worth 30 EGP total.
You: “How much?”
Him: “Hmm, this one?” (pointing at an item)
You: “Yeah”
Him: “Very cheap price, for you, 30 British Pounds per one piece”
You: Put down the item, thinking that it is out of budget
Him: “Very good item, my friend, blah blah…”
You: “Very expensive”
Him: “How about 30 British Pounds for both pieces?”
You: “I do not want to buy, it is very costly”
Him: “No, my friend, it is cheap. In tourist market, it is 60-70 British Pounds”
You: “Ok, shukran” Start walking
Him: “Wait, wait. I give you at 30 US Dollars for both. Very cheap.”
You: “It is too costly for me; Thank you”
Him: “How much?”
You: “30 EGP for both”
Him: “Egyptian Pounds?”
You: “Yeah”
Him: “Friend, give me good reasonable price”
You: “No, only 30 EGP”
Him: “Ok, take it at 50 EGP”
You: “No”
Him: “Last, very good price 45 EGP”
You: Already tired, brain dead and you want to buy and finish off. You buy.
You get amazed that you paid 15 EGP more.

“No Change”
He will never have enough change. So, you will end up losing little more than what you agreed with him.

“Money is no problem”
You: “How much?”
Him: “Money – no problem. Select. No money for selection”
You: Spend time in selecting and talking blah blah blah
You: “How much for this one?”
Him: “Friend, money is no problem. This item is very very good, blah blah blah”
You: you even get involved in this blah blah blah
Him: “Pack this for you?”
You: “yeah, but how much?”
Him: “My Friend, money no problem” Packs item and hands over to you
You: “How much?”
Him: “75 EGP”
You: “Errr, hmmm, aha, this, err, little costly”
Him: “ohh, my friend, for you, 70 EGP”
You: Hand over 100 EGP note as if he obliged by telling you lots of blah-blah-blah about that item.
Later, you get amazed that you paid double.

“Show Respect”
You: “How much?”
Him: blah blah
You: blah blah
Him: blah blah
…
You: “Ok, this is costly. I do not want to buy. Thank you.”
Him: “Hey, show some respect. You spend too much time, I gave you drink. Do not walk away. This is not good. BLAH BLAH BLAH”
You: Feel guilty, and stop to negotiate further!

“Let Customer Speak”
You: “How much?” Thinking that item would be around 10 EGP
Him: “200 EGP”
You: Jaws dropped. “What?”
Him: “Ok, my friend, you tell me – how much?”
You: “25 EGP” Thinking that your estimation was too wrong.
Him: “Hmm, ok, give me good price. No 200 EGP. No 25 EGP”
You: …
Later, you get amazed that you paid too much!

IT and Bollywood

Chetan — Fri, 18 May 2007 04:40:00 +0000

New films based on feedback from IT industry:

Hang To Hona Hi Tha ! Damn!
Meri DVD Tumhare Paas Hai
Ab Woh Lauta Do
Aao Chat Kare
Programmer No.1
Majdoor Programmer
Majboor Programmer
Mera Naam PM – The King of Nothingness
Java Wale Job Le Jayenge
Hum Apki RAM Mein Rehte Hein
Do Processor Baarah Terminal
Tera Code Chal Gaya – The WOW effect
Har Din Jo Mail Karega – The Waiting for Reply
Network Ke Us Paar
Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
Jish Desh Mein Narayan Murthy Rehte Hai
Raju Ban Gaya MCSD
Client Ek Numbari Developers Dus Numbari
Login Karo Sajana
Naukar PC Ka
1942 – A Bug Story
Kaho Na Virus Hai
Crash Se Crash Tak
Haan Maine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
Password De Ke Dekho
Terminal Apna, Login Paraya
Bug Se Bug Tak
Apna Sapana Money Money
Debugging At Lokhandwala
Salam-E-UAT
Bug Na Hota To Kya Hota
Programming Ke Side Effects – The Bugs
Lage Raho Developers
Mera Bill Pay Karke Dekho
Bas Ek Bug
Black Friday – The Deployment Day
Bugs Jaroori Hai
Thode Bugs Thoda Code
PM : The Royal Bugger

Definition of a bad programmer!

Chetan — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 15:44:00 +0000

who finds ‘ways’ to write VB6 in any language!

Everyday Story…

Chetan — Mon, 04 Sep 2006 08:49:00 +0000

This is story about four people

Everybody, Somebody, Anybody & Nobody.

There was important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. But Everybody thought that Somebody will do it. Anybody could have done it but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody was sure that Anybody could do it but Nobody resented that Everybody could not do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when actually Nobody asked Anybody.

Useless Facts!

Chetan — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 19:50:00 +0000

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that’s more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(OMG!)
A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(How about being pig in next life?)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(I still cannot forget the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories per hour.
(Don’t try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.
(“Honey, I’m home. What the…?!”)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(Being pig in next life is better…quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Yawn)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm……)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, that is a good thing)
A cat’s urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Murphy’s laws of computing!

Chetan — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 19:25:00 +0000

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.

3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.

5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

6. To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.

7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.

9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked perfectly.

10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

Riddles

Chetan — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 18:27:00 +0000

1. What happens if you throw Laden in the Indian Ocean? Answer
2. What is big, has deep pocket and found in India? Answer
3. What would a kangaroo say if her baby is missing? Answer
4. Can you keep a clock in jail? Answer
5. Which kind of loot is not dangerous? Answer
6. Why is it confusing when dog growls and wags tail at the same time? Answer
7. Which letter should be kept away? Answer
8. How can you jump from 123-feet ladder and still not get hurt? Answer
9. Where does Alphabet go? Answer
10. Where does Zebra go? Answer
11. What make more noise than two talking ladies? Answer
12. Can you keep wallet silent? Answer
13. How can you drop out and still get a degree? Answer
14. What do people do when it rains? Answer
15. Define pimple. Answer
16. How can you be sure of having counterfeit money? Answer
17. What can you add to water bucket to make it weigh less? Answer
18. How can you work for ten days continuously without sleep and still not tired? Answer
19. Can a bus cross sea? Answer
20. Who makes millions a day? Answer
21. Why do docs wear masks during operations? Answer
22. What is the best cure for dandruff? Answer
23. Identify two objects of importance that did not exist a hundred years ago. Answer

Once upon a time…

Chetan — Mon, 30 Jan 2006 02:29:00 +0000

Once upon a time, in the land of Metaphor, there lived a monkey and an elephant. They both lived on one side of a wide, swiftly flowing river. On both sides of the river there were many fruit trees. The monkey was very agile. He could climb to the top of the fruit trees and eat as much fruit as he needed. The elephant was very tall. He could reach up with his trunk and eat as much fruit as he needed.
But the trees grew taller. Soon the elephant could not reach enough fruit to eat. But he was strong and self-sufficient. He found that when he was hungry, he could just pull down a tree and have fruit to eat.
The monkey watched the elephant pull down most of the fruit trees. He was not happy. He said to the elephant, “Don’t do that! I will climb up the trees and get fruit for you.”
The elephant said, “I am hungry. I am strong. I can do things for myself.”
The monkey said, “You dumb elephant. Soon there will be no trees or fruit for you either.”
The elephant said, “I only work on one problem at a time. Things may change. Maybe more fruit trees will come. Or maybe the trees will get shorter. If they don’t, I’ll work out a solution then.”
The monkey had to agree. He only worked on one problem at a time too. Soon there were no more fruit trees left on their side of the river. The elephant said, “I have a solution. I will go across the river and pull down trees over there.”
The monkey said, “You dumb elephant. That didn’t work on this side of the river, and it won’t work on the other side of the river. You will starve us both. Let’s fight it out. I am agile and will run rings around you.”
The elephant said, “That is fine with me. I am big and strong and I will kill you.”
So they began to fight it out. The monkey ran rings around the elephant. But he was not able to stop the elephant from trying to kill him. The elephant thrashed around with his strong trunk and legs, trying to kill the monkey. But the monkey was too agile, and the elephant missed every time.
It was a hot day. Soon the monkey and the elephant got tired. They sat down and tried to figure out what to do next.
The monkey said, “I am agile. I will just scamper across the river and bring back some fruit.” He got a running start toward the river and went scamper, scamper, scamper … splott! The river started to carry him away.
“That dumb monkey!” said the elephant. He waded into the river, picked up the monkey, put him on his back, and waded back to shore. They sat and thought for a long time while the monkey dried out. Finally the monkey said, “Maybe this is a solution. You can carry me across the river on your back. When we get across, I can climb the trees and get enough food for us both.”
The elephant thought for a moment and then answered, “That sounds like it is worth a try.” So they tried it, and it worked.
And they lived happily ever after, until the end of their days.

Some morals to the story:
• Monkeys can do things elephants can’t do.
• Elephants can do things monkeys can’t do.
• Working on one problem at a time may not be a good idea.
• Fighting it out may not be a good idea.
• Finding a collaborative win-win solution may be a good idea.

Example of Maya (Applicable to males!)

Chetan — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 16:51:00 +0000

Left one is the real one, and right one is how I see it!

Toss a coin

Chetan — Mon, 16 Jan 2006 12:24:00 +0000

Q: “If you toss a coin a thousand times, how often will it
come up heads?”

A: “About fifty percent of the time.”

If you consider this as “truth”, check http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1697475.

Real problem is how to evaluate actual situations (force, friction, airflow, weight etc) and calculate, without error, using scientific rules to find out if coil will come head up or tail up. If one assumes that actual situation and calculation is possible then “50%” becomes absurd. I do not know if it is possible or impossible to know actual situation physically or in principle.

There are more subtle things to note.

We are talking about throwing coin up then it comes back. We catch it or let it hit ground and get settled. We are NOT talking about throwing coin sideways. We are NOT talking about throwing coin straight into sandy ground in a way that it does not roll and will have head up.
We are talking about throwing coin near a large body with enough gravitational force so that coin actually comes back with enough speed to hit the solid ground and roll. If you throw coin in outer space void of enough gravity, it will not come back.
We are NOT talking about ground which is sandy (not solid), where coin can even stand submerged in sand.
We are also assuming that we will decide when coin comes at rest within reasonable period of time. Once coin settles, we do not wait till next tsunami to arrive to change position of coin.
We are talking about fair coin. Coin is designed in a way that no side is favored to drop up. Is it possible to manufacture such a coin? Not today.
We think that GOD (I do not know what ‘GOD’ means) is fair and does not favor any side to drop up.

Put your comments if you can make this list longer…

Have fun.